Like a Child at Home.

The verses that we have been studying this week have been focused on sonship. How because of Christ I am now counted in His family. There is a song that I sang in the USI chamber choir that ended with these words; "No more a stranger or a guest, but like a child at home." I am not a stranger to Christ's love, and I haven't ever been really. I have however lived with a guest mentality. I don't approach God with a child's heart. I for a long time have had to get things in order before going to Him in prayer. What's more is that I have had that "deserving" spirit. Like I deserved special treatment for having my life in order. I am a child of his. I play in His house. I am reckless, I seldom have my toys picked up. I am needy in every possible way. In my mess and craziness God wants me to come to Him. He doesn't say let the orderly come to me, or let the adult with the schedule come to me, but let the little children. I don't have my life figured out.. I don't know what I'm doing the rest of the afternoon. What I am learning He delights in is a heart that comes to Him in the Middle of the mess. In the middle of my hectic, complaining, and needlessly weary heart He finds delight. I think my biggest prayer request is o actually cry out to my Savior like that. Something that comes to mind when I think about it is this part in the first Narnia movie where the Mrs. Beaver is approaching Aslan and she starts smoothing her fur. her husband quickly says something like you look lovely. That is what I do. I smooth out the roughness of my life instead of letting God tell me I am lovely exactly the way I am. That I would see and truly believe the love of Christ not only covers me spiritually but physically. In the words of David Crowder, "You make everything glorious, what does that make me?"

A Lot of Learning.

I think I am seeing myself as less and less mature of a Christian every single day. No Joke. I am seeing how incredibly sinful I am daily, and it doesn't make me feel guilty but just loved more. That not only would Jesus die for my past sins but my future ones too, ones that I have no idea of because I am that offensive. I am so gracious and just being shown more and more grace every moment.
Our room was read a bedtime story that was like a little thought bubble that could be God's but something that was said in it was, "What if I tell them who they are? What if they knew that I would never ever use the word punish in relation to them... That the basis of our friendship is not based on how little they sin but how much they let Me love them? What if I tell them I'm crazy about them?" I think looking at God knowing that He is crazy about me changes the entire way I approach Him. Not as the Wizard of Oz who stands behind a curtain or someone that I have never met and I don't really know how to relate to but as someone who has sacrificed his son just so that I could have the chance to know him. A God who has not only stepped from behind the curtain but has torn the curtain in half, just so I could really know who He really is.He loved me that much. -I am of course learning lots of other little things but it all pales in comparison.

Thirsty in the Florida Heat.

Saying it is hot in Florida is almost funny to me now. I have a new appreciation for water. I need it soooooo much!! I am constantly filling water bottles, sometimes two at a time just to make sure I am drinking enough. And fancy the irony that our theme verse for this week is Psalm 42:2 (I chose to also include verse 1 as well, it's just so good!) "As a deer pants for streams of water so my soul pants for you oh God. My soul thirsts for God, the living God. When can I go and meet with God?"

There is a funny thing about being constantly thirsty. You are constantly aware of your need for water. I live in a society where going thirsty is something I almost have to try to do. Yet I know there are places in this world where people are dying for lack of water. When it comes to the Bible I have placed my heart in a desert and said to it, "I don't have time to water you very often so just get used to being thirsty for a bit. Sorry." I go thirsty, I pant, my soul pleads to meet with God and I put it on call waiting and before long I am intentionally dying of thirst.

But the Psalm goes on with a magnificent promise. It says; "...deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls. All your waves a breakers have swept over me." God has promised that though I might be starving, if I would only look up I am surrounded with a waterfall. God has placed me in a society where the Bible is whole and allowed and I can read his letter to me daily if I only learn to turn to him. I think of this promise and I only have a desire to dive in. And let my soul remind me of how my constant thirst can only be quenched with his sweet love.

Week 1

For all those patiently (not including my parents) waiting for my first post here it is!! (love you Mom and Dad) Let me just start off by saying that I am so blessed by being here.. EVERYTHING we are studying are things that I have had personal struggles with in my walk with God. We are reading a book called the praying life that I literally have to remind myself that I shouldn't read just in one sitting. There are nights when I go to bed thinking I cannot absorb any more tomorrow. Then it's tomorrow and I just run hard all over again. I am seeing myself being stretched daily, living in a hotel room with six girls will do that. I am absolutely loving it though. I got my first FLORIDA burn yesterday and am paying for it.. greatly. I am constantly reminded of God''s grace. There is grace in my ADD writing, there is grace in my little bit tired eyes, there is grace in our disaster zone of a room (though finding it is hard), there is even grace in the growing pains.

God's hand is sooooooo visible in me being here. I am blessed with having close friends already. Friends that I can see sharpening me throughout my life and I am without words for that.

there will be more later.. I promise. But right now it is dinner with friends

all the love I can muster up
Ashley Lynne.

Decisions, Decisions.

So many things have been happening lately. One of the more exciting things though has been my decision to go to the Orlando Project this summer. I have wanted to go away for the past couple of years but each summer have had to cut those plans short and stay in town. Here is an amazing opportunity to grown in my faith and to work in Universal Studios... Who could resist? I am so excited. I feel like I have been in such a stand still in so many areas in my life and this is something that will be the start of something wonderful. I have heard an abundance of great things about OP. I am so excited to see what God has in store. It must be amazing.

Come, let us adore Him.

This semester has been brutal. I have felt for the past couple of months like I have gone snorkeling during a tidal wave. I breathe when I can and hope that it will be enough to sustain me until I can steal another breath. I face the opposite side of the semester that seemed like it would never end feel like it lasted but a week or two. I move right along to Christmas and going home for the holiday and exchanging presents and drinking cocoa and find myself moved to tears this morning when reminded that this day is more than cookies and stockings filled with candy.

David Crowder's song "Oh Praise Him" played while I was getting ready this morning:

"Turn your ear to heaven and hear the noise inside. The sound of angel's awe, the sound of angel's songs, and all this for a King. We could join and sing, 'All for Christ the King!' Oh, how constant how divine, this song of ours will rise. Oh how constant how divine, this love of ours will rise. Oh Praise Him!" I listen to this song and get a picture in my head. God could have sent an army of angels full of wrath and hatred for the treatment of the Messiah, but there instead was awe and wonder for the Pride and Joy of Heaven. The Glory of Heaven slept in human arms, this is Christmas. Here I am making cookies for a Christmas party, studying for my last final and putting seven or eight layers on and I am stopped in my tracks, I am missing the fact that my time is not being spent adoring my King. This Christmas, I want that news to wash over me, and let it become unforgettable.

It's Always a Song

I have put a lot of thought lately about where I invest my heart. What do I put my all into? Derek Webb wrote a song called Wedding Dress and it fits me like a glove. The chorus goes "I am a whore I do confess, but I put You on just like a wedding dress and I run down the isle. I'm a prodigal with no way home, but I put You on just like a ring of gold, and I run down the isle to You." More often than not I feel like I put on a smile and go to church as a front or a costume so that the world just won't ask questions. Don't get me wrong, the desire to run with abandon down the isle to my Savior is there, but I am constantly checking my motives, and a lot of times I don't like what I find.
I went to a choir concert on Sunday afternoon, and it was a perfect study break. They sang a song about having one person that knows your entire heart. I realized then that there is not a single person that knows all of me. There are people who know just about the entire story, but no one has the full unedited version. When will I learn to be real? When will I admit to myself that the reason I am so guarded is my own fault? I'm realizing this rut that I'm in is something I walked myself into. The only time I feel like I'm doing something right and good for my heart is when I'm singing.. it's the only thing thing that's ever given me goose bumps on my arms. It makes me wonder why I even bother doing other things.