I have put a lot of thought lately about where I invest my heart. What do I put my all into? Derek Webb wrote a song called Wedding Dress and it fits me like a glove. The chorus goes "I am a whore I do confess, but I put You on just like a wedding dress and I run down the isle. I'm a prodigal with no way home, but I put You on just like a ring of gold, and I run down the isle to You." More often than not I feel like I put on a smile and go to church as a front or a costume so that the world just won't ask questions. Don't get me wrong, the desire to run with abandon down the isle to my Savior is there, but I am constantly checking my motives, and a lot of times I don't like what I find.
I went to a choir concert on Sunday afternoon, and it was a perfect study break. They sang a song about having one person that knows your entire heart. I realized then that there is not a single person that knows all of me. There are people who know just about the entire story, but no one has the full unedited version. When will I learn to be real? When will I admit to myself that the reason I am so guarded is my own fault? I'm realizing this rut that I'm in is something I walked myself into. The only time I feel like I'm doing something right and good for my heart is when I'm singing.. it's the only thing thing that's ever given me goose bumps on my arms. It makes me wonder why I even bother doing other things.
